How to get your marriage back on track after soberity

What makes Casa Palmera distinct from other treatment facilities is our desire to not only heal the body, but also aiming to heal the mind and spirit. New sobriety leaves a hole that needs to be filled in the partner. Remember, all partner’s physical and mental efforts were geared towards manipulating the person with the substance abuse disorder and controlling the addiction. If you’re reading this, it’s likely because your spouse is struggling with addiction. While there may be some correlation between a successful marriage and sobriety, partners entering recovery can also learn to get healthy together. It’s tough when one spouse is sober, and the other is not.

marriage changes after sobriety

Try to demonstrate a hopeful attitude and encourage them to think positively. Yet, it’s important to consider this choice for the well-being marriage changes after sobriety and personal growth of both yourself and your partner. It was early 2015 when I uttered the word abuse for the first time.


You cannot understand how hard it is to support someone so thoroughly and completely—after years of anger, heartache and painful memories—but feel completely shut out and alone. You struggle to understand how alone you still are, and how alone you have always been. The decision to pursue sobriety is major and life-changing, both for the addict and for the spouse. It can take a toll physically, as the person in recovery is going through withdrawal symptoms that can be very intense. It may be impossible for a spouse to care for a partner who is experiencing nausea and vomiting, fatigue, lethargy, lack of appetite, and excessive sweating and bodily shaking.

marriage changes after sobriety

Respecting everyone’s boundaries and feelings can be key. Although the road to recovery can be long for everyone involved, it’s possible to make amends with those you might’ve hurt or lost in the past due to SUD. You can also write letters to one another as you learn to communicate openly, honestly, and lovingly again. Some tough subjects may be difficult for you to talk about or may result in constant interruption and arguments. As you express yourself through writing, it’ll gradually become easier to express yourself verbally as well.

Addiction and relationships

It is an intimacy killer that acts as a hindrance in the bond formation. Defensive behavior adds a layer to the already existing problems because no positive result comes out of it. As a shield, many people tend to bring up the past or deflect attention toward something the criticizing partner has done rather than focus on the present challenge. It leads to an “I am right, you are wrong” dynamic and starts a power play. Even if things seem hopeless, there are ways how to reset your marriage so you can enjoy happier days with your spouse.

  • Seek couples counseling to learn communication strategies, address underlying issues in the relationship, and begin to heal your marriage.
  • No matter where on your journey – considering sobriety, living sober for years or months already – our newsletter is here as a guide with helpful resources, events, and more.
  • These relationships are where folks learn patterns of interacting for intimate relationships.
  • Sometimes supporting someone through recovery can be difficult, particularly in the early stages of recovery.
  • Ask about your partner’s hopes for the marriage or their deepest desires.

Hopefully, there are recovery marriage after rehab programs for them. Other methods of starting over in a marriage may require the help of a relationship therapist. For example, if you find that you cannot communicate positively and are arguing over everything, marriage counseling can help you develop healthier communication patterns. To reset your marriage, learn to approach conflict or differences of opinion calmly and constructively. If you feel yourself escalating to anger, take a break from the conversation before you say something hurtful that you don’t truly mean. The reality is that we all have expectations of what marriage will be like, but our partners can never live up to all of these expectations.

Ways That Marriage Changes Everything

I urge affected others to avail themselves of the wealth of good literature and support accessible through 12 step programs like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics and others. While their external behavior may be very different, folks in early recovery have the same character flaws they had when they were using. They are generally impulsive, impatient, and very moody. As affected others we must be careful to avoid climbing aboard this emotional roller coaster and compensating for their deficits.

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